Yuck Uncle

My 2 yr old nephew (Rishi) is at that stage where he's remembering everything he hears. And when one of our uncles left our house the other day, an uncle who has extremely poor hygiene, one who smells awful, i told nephew that's smelly uncle.

And now hes calling him "yuck mama" (mama=maternal uncle) and "smelly". He's gonna end up saying it in front of him one day.

I only said it once and now its permanent for him!!!!

*will choose his words very carefully now*

*will teach him to say Sir Naresh*

Its xmas so the neighbours are at it again

Every bloody year. The nice old man spends weeks setting it up using his trusty ladder. One day he's gonna fall. I reckon he only does it to get away from his wife for a bit. She's not a very nice woman.

Quite a sight though huh?

Keep your feet warm this winter

It's an annoying problem, cold feet in the comfort of your home.

Here's my solution. Wear some cheap, old, soft, stretchy trackies and wrap the ends around your feet like so:


Seriously though. Works like a charm. You can even walk around like that to keep cold floors at bay.

Parents may moan it's ruining the trackies but that's why you use cheap ones.

Slight problem though. If, like me, you've been doing this for a few years, you may get this slight problem. Baguette.

Jackpot! Ding ding ding ding ding!

Ahh i forget to mention about my jackpot incident last week!

I was at uni, felt a bit peckish so went over to one of those snack machines to buy me some crisps.

Monster munch, pickled onion flavour, lovely. 35p. Shoved a pound in, got the crisps, then pressed the change button.

I hear a looonngggg *clink* *clink* *clink* *clink* *clink* sound (money dropping)

*clink* *clink* *clink* *clink*

It just kept going on!!

*clink* *clink* *clink* *clink* for aaaaaaaaages

When it finally finished, i shoved my hand inside the change compartment......

It had given me back 65 one pennies.

WTF

I couldn't even put that in my pocket, it would be too heavy and rip through the pocket. So i put it in my empty lunch box, which is actually just an empty margarine tub to hold my banana so it doesn't get squashed. I was walking around making such a noise with it all clunking around in the box.

E.T. Phoonnee Hooommeeee

Hahah my dad just phoned home from work and i love winding him up. He always calls for useless stuff, as if he's just doing it to kill time at work. And sometimes he has this dramatic tone to his voice.

"Where's mum? She's not home ??!?! Ok then. What's nephew doing? Has he been fed??!!? Have i got any letters in the post?"

Just unimportant stuff. I think he just likes some attention. With other members of the family, he will go on for ages. And it annoys us all cos its pointless and we might be busy with something.

But he doesn't do it so much with me cos i have a tactic :) I answer a sloooww dull "YESSS" or "NOOO" to all his comments or questions. Sometimes i wait about 3 secs before answering with the dull YES or NO, and i think it makes him impatient and annoys him :) Or sometimes i talk over him talking or answer in the middle of the question. If hes talking a lot I'll say YESSS every 3 or so secs right over him talking. And he just gets fed up slightly and ends up saying bye a lot sooner than he does with other members of the family.

Example:
"Check if any of YESSS my letters have arrived, cos the postmYESSSan hadnt arrived when i left hYESSome and keep it on side for YEESSSSS me ok?"

*4 sec gap*

"hello?"

*2 sec gap*

"NOOOOO"

Tis jolly fun.

So we're watching television...

...mum, dad, me and 2 year old nephew. Football finishes, so i hand the remote to nephew, who passes it to my dad and says "cartoon! cartoon!!"

Dads asks me what channel cartoons are on, I reply 601 onwards....

Now, he's not very good with technology. He puts his head down towards the remote, to press 6... but on the screen "9" comes up...

I was amused. He didn't notice his error as he was looking at the remote still. He goes to the next 2 digits... instead of 0 and 1, on the screen comes up 0 and 3

903 !

TELEVISION X FREEVIEW

TITS AND ARSE EVERYWHERE LMAO

And being in his sixties, he's slow with the remote, and took him another 10-15 seconds to get back to 601.

Should i be worried?

On the treadmill today, first time in ages, doing a really light 3 minute jog and my heart-rate hit 181 bpm. I wasnt even tired or out of breath!

3 BEATS PER SECOND ??